Oh...it's you.

I recently rediscovered that I had a blog. Or perhaps more appropriately, given the decade and a half since I laid eyes on it, discovered that I had a blog. A veritable fountain of youth. The blog, and its hopeful youth, never went away.

I did. And I got pessimistically old.

I don't know why I took the time to read it, or even why I went looking for it. But I'm glad I did both. Rereading old diaries and thoughts written down long ago almost feels like you're reading someone else's thoughts, ideas, and goals. Someone else's life. Because it certainly doesn't sound like yours. 

Different goals, while perhaps surprising, is to be expected. They change in intensity, in clarity, and sometimes even in general direction. It's almost fun to remember where you thought you were going to go and what you thought it would take to get there, in either contrast or congruence of where you ended up. It's the different thoughts and ideas that make you realize you are not the same person who wrote those words of hope, optimism, and opportunity, And you had no idea that person had even left the room.

Expectations, or rather assumptions, are almost unrecognizable if life and fate have anything to say about it. Those once so wonderful expectations that time, experience, disappointments, and points of pride molded like dripping water on a rock. But the parts of that rock that got washed away left behind the core. The part of your psyche that turned crippling anxiety of yesterday into today's courage borne out of just not giving a shit. 

This life is not for the slow-paced. Last year begins to feel like last week, and next week should be here any minute now... Velocity always helps to hone one's focus. As the momentum with age increases, so too does our reassessment of our life and what's left of it. What have I done, what did I want to do, and are they the same? Chances are they are not. Time is one helluva drug. But you'll find, I think, that as important as those goals were several lifetimes ago, it's just as important as to what they became. And those two are highly likely NOT the same. And they shouldn't. Not if you've lived an eventful life. A life rich in memories, good and bad, and actions, also good and bad. I submit, therefore, Point B is more important that Point A. 

But most important is what took you from one to the other.